this man. this man has always been some kind of amazing. watching him as a dad over the past few months has been the most incredible experience. he is kind, patient, helpful, funny and will do anything for this little girl of ours. mila sure is lucky to have a dad like him and i sure am lucky to have a partner like him in this crazy parenting journey.

happy father's day to all the papas out there but a special one to you handsome. there is no one who can make this little girl laugh as easy or as much as you can. the relationship between you two is something i could sit back and watch all day long. thank you for being the great father you are!

that time she had really blonde hair, he rarely cut his hair and they both lived in L.A.

jay and i got m down with no fuss (no fuss!) the other night and took the free time to go through our photos from europe. we have been meaning to print some off for awhile now to hang in some gallery frames jay got me for our anniversary. right before we shut the computer down for the night we ended up finding a folder full of photos from the years we lived in los angeles. we met there so the city holds a special place in my heart. not to mention we have some really dear friends who still live there.

these photos brought back so many wonderful memories and made me miss our times together back then. though, i wouldn't trade what we have at this moment for the world, it's sweet to look back and remember what brought us to where we are. i will admit i desperately miss my ability to tan as well as i used to. but apparently my love for old man caps remains the same and i'm pretty happy about that.

{2006: new years eve at 26 beach restaurant in venice. i used to work there too!}

{2005: santa ynez wine country with the bestie and big sister. some photos from this trip may never be seen again}

{2005: ice skating in downtown. hence the short sleeves but i really tried to get the look with the scarf, can't you tell?}

{not sure the date here, i think 2004, but this is the cafe where we met! it's moved since but still around if you ever want to go. the talking stick, started by our friends rich and sheri. rich ended up marrying us and sheri was one of my bridesmaids}

{2005: at a petting zoo in a pumpkin patch. you can't see it but i am rocking a wool vest along with that cap and hideous bag}

 { 2005: the fourth of july fireworks with friends on the field of my college in santa monica. also one of my most favourite photos of us}

a little note to no.1

we are 5 weeks out little one, 5 weeks out! i wish i could jot down every thought i’ve had about you, about being a mom, and about all the scenes that have played out in my head. it’s a lot believe me! there are ones that are appropriate for the time like the first time i’ll hold you or read to you or stay up all night worrying if you are getting everything you need. then there are other times i think about getting to introduce you to your brother or sister (because i’m that excited for our growing family) or how i hope i can help with homework (dad may be better at this, just say’n), or when you’ll meet the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with…this is where your dad tells me to maybe slow it down and take it one step at a time. fine.

…but really in two minutes all of these thoughts stir up again! so really, i just can’t wait to see you grow before us. of course, as your mom, i want a perfect path but knowing life is rarely perfect i’ve put together a little list of things i hope you achieve, i hope you always know, and hope you never forget.  so in no particular order, here you go:

i hope….

• you have courage and use it not only for yourself, but for others as well. it’s amazing to give support to other’s especially coming from a close knit person or a complete stranger.
• you know i’ll make mistakes, and dad will make mistakes, and you will make mistakes, but we are family regardless. despite any downfalls, we stick together, stay genuine and honest, and never shut the other one out.
• you find love and cherish it. it’s a beautiful thing to nourish too so stay kind, stay strong, and stay honest with who you are.
• you find joy and beauty in achievable things first. things like the people you surround yourself with  or a sunny day over the latest technology which is bound to become archaic and disinteresting a few years later.
• you find and know happiness in yourself. there will be people or times that might break this down a bit but it’s up to you on how you want your life to play out. choose optimism first and i promise you won’t drown in pessimism. 
• you see failure as a chance to overcome and not to be defeated.
• you develop an opinion based on your own educated research and not just one other person's opinion.
• you know at least three things that you love about yourself. these don’t have to be the same three things all the time and could change over time, just keep on to three great things about your life, your direction, and your world.
• you try new things. things that make you feel fulfilled and things that break you from the norm.
• you travel and see different cultures, hear different languages and realize there are so many different people in this world but so many similarities among us all.
• you take a compliment to keep it; give a compliment and mean it.
• you stick up for the underdog and have compassion for the boss. at the end of the day we are all people who have been or will be in each other’s shoes in one way or another.
• you embarrass yourself and laugh it off. it’s liberating in its own way i promise.
• you know you can get through it by yourself, with the help of others, or through the unexpected. you can overcome obstacles in life even if there seems to be no way out, there is, just find it.
• you get back what you put in.
• you never follow the crowd unless it’s towards the only exit out of the subway. in which case, follow the crowd.
• you are fully present wherever you are or wherever you end up.
• you run after an ice cream truck and encourage other people to do it too. i don’t really know why i want this for you but i do.
• you feel like you can ask for help and encourage others to do the same. there is no way and no reason to know everything about everything, so don’t try. it takes the fun out of learning something new.

above all, know you have taught us a new type of love before we ever met you. 

we talk about and to you every single day, and honestly i can’t see that ending any time soon.

5 weeks and counting little one, 5 weeks and counting! 

xo.

...and sometimes we run in to a beaver and lion on the street and jay has a roar off while i sit and watch.

nine years ago today...

i snuck onto a helicopter pad with this handsome face at the getty museum in los angeles and lengthily discussed how we would make a relationship work with him in canada and me in LA.  we spent eight hours at the museum that day nervous to hold hands but standing side by side the entire time.  while i don't really remember the exhibits too well, i'll never forget the cloud nine feeling i had all day.

happy dating anniversary handsome man.  i'm happy this day means as much to you as it does to me. 

xoxo 

life lately...

...has been busy!  

work has picked up a lot {as it always does towards the back half of the year}. there have been babies and weddings; visiting friends and weekends away; plus the returning love for my own bed when i wake up on a saturday morning to coffee, jay and two happy kittens.  it seems lately my weeknights are on reserve for handsome and weekends on reserve for friends. i'm not sure how much quality time jay and i will get to spend with each other over the next few weeks.  last week we walked home from the subway sharing an umbrella in the rain, which we typically do, but this time i felt myself swooning over that little moment.  coming up, our time may just be as grand as pouring a drink and sitting on the same couch while i am head down in laptop.

on the brighter side of things, i try to remind myself of all the good things that are consuming me.  things like a job i love, girlfriends i finally found in this city {and also love!}, and so many fun activities that leave me feeling really proud of our friend on tour, our friends about to get married, and the fast approaching two week trip to europe with a few details still needing to be planned out.

it may not be the most romantic time right about now but i sure am dreaming a bit more of this trip.  i am anxiously awaiting a full two weeks of husband time and limited days of crammed full schedules of places we aren't dying to see.  really, i can't wait to wake up and say "what's on tap for today, the louvre or musee d'orsay?" 

all of which isn't really that bad now is it?

le sigh.

jay's jeans

reason #927 why i love my husband?  he doesn't care if i borrow his clothes.

i have always had an affinity for men's clothing on women and an affinity for the women who pull it off effortlessly.  now that the days of living with the big sister and best friends have come and gone, i don't have the girly closets to raid anymore - which is fine because i have already spotted out a few key pieces from jay's wardrobe that will make do; like his jeans. 

reliving immigration

recently i applied for my canadian citizenship which meant pulling out all of my permanent residency info for reference.  it was crazy to relive all the paperwork we had to fill out, the "are we doing this right?" questions, the long waiting period and "when can we see each other next?"  top that off with us planning a wedding and i feel like that entire year was spent signing our names on the dotted line.

seeing all of this again made me so happy about my decision to move.  initially  the move wasn't so easy as i only had jay to rely on- which wasn't fair to him but he handled it so well!  i can still feel that angst of feeling like i was in limbo where i spent an entire year just waiting...waiting for a tiny piece of paper that would give us the legal go ahead to physically begin our lives together.  i still remember crying so many tears of relief when i finally got my visa. that year was the ultimate year of change.  even through rough times of that year and the rough times when i first moved to toronto, i wouldn't change a thing. this is still exactly where i would want to be.

here are a few photos and notes i found while sifting through it all

wish me luck on a speedy citizenship process!

a very merry christmas

a birthday party for jay

who doesn't love birthdays?  especially when it's for someone you love!

happy birthday handsome!

i love you so very much
{more pictures to follow soon :: promise!}

a country breakfast

i love the city life, i do, really.  but there will forever be a spot in my heart for the small country town.  the air, the sweet novelty shops, open space and easy passerby smiles is sometimes the exact escape you need from the hustle and bustle of our every day.  plus, look at that morning sunlight on jays face...

{le sigh}

this morning we took advantage of a small town home-style breakfast and busy rooster decor on our way home from a great night with friends!  the coffee was burnt and the slabs of bacon were huge, seriously huge!  it was about 3 hours earlier then i wanted to be awake, but it really was a  great way to start our weekend...

..the fact that jay had me laughing the entire hour and half drive home was pretty great too!  

*     *     *

our anniversary

complete with...

*     *     *
macaroons from, where else: baker bots baking!

goodbye to the first apartment we had together

3 years and a lot of memories!
goodbye first 'married' apartment, we will miss you!

home! a new home!

hot off the heels of the big sister's wedding came the longest move ever!  i dream of the day when i get to finish my book with tea on the couch.  until then, there are a lot of boxes to unpack, purging to be done and an ikea trip or two to be had. 

it was a hard move to swallow, being the place we left was the first apartment we ever had together; but this new place is pretty fantastic!  pretty vintage ceilings, better hardwood floors, more storage, bigger kitchen, and the best new addition, a private balcony! 

here are a few photos of the first coffee in our new place before the BIG move began.

{home sweet sweet home}

our dating anniversary not forgotten

though its a smaller celebrated day now, it didnt use to be, so its nice to be surprised by banana and chocolate waffles, mimosas and coffee in bed on our 8 year dating anniversary!

i love my husband!

a late night date

...to one of my absolute favorite places on earth: bakerbots!

spontaneous moments like these make me feel like jay and i are on some of our first dates again.  i know, it's silly, but it just does okay?  plus, sadly, the end of summer is here so we need to soak up as many summer nights as possible.   though i'll admit i would walk through piles of snow for these ice cream sandwiches.  i'm pretty sure he would too!

enjoy the photos of our late night sweets!  better yet, go get your own!

him: dark chocolate ice cream on a peanut butter cookie {drool}

me: single scoop of fresh mint ice cream

{love}
*     *     *

comedy of errors

in just a few hours i get to pick up this guy from the airport and i couldn't be more excited!!  i mean really, look at that face, who wouldn't right?  after being gone for a week fly fishing far, far away, i imagine this is exactly how he looked during the week except with a lake and fishing rod included; and probably a bit more facial hair too! 

i wish i could say our house has been quite and peaceful these past seven days, but bruce and harvey have been doing a pretty good job at running a muck around here with nightly tag games and morning hide and seek.  i love these cute little kitties!

all in all, as much as i had been looking forward to a week alone, this week turned out to be quiet the show.  from clumsy days at work to spoiled dinners, sounding smoke alarms from burnt cookies and spooky movies i should never watch by myself {only because i check the closet eight times before going to bed}, i almost wish i had someone to share in this week of comedy!

so, t minus nine hours and counting until i can have someone to laugh with me {okay, maybe at me} about each clumsy mistake i make and i cannot wait!

missing lunch date...

jay is gone for a week!  one whole week!  

normally i look forward to the time alone so i can eat ice cream as much as i want without anyone looking and watch as many trashy t.v. shows as possible (yes, i like the joan rivers show, you know you like it too).  normally it takes a few days for me to get over the alone time to want him back but for the first time, i started missing jay so much only a few minutes into him actually leaving.  

...ugh, hurry home!  

i want to go on lunch dates to craft burger with you again.

...sigh.

backyard dinner date

with him & me....