on mamahood :: month 11

this is it! the conclusion of the mamahood series. we officially have a toddler in our house and i have been back to work for two weeks now. this past year just flew by and i terribly miss my full days at home with her every single day. i even have this crazy amount of anxiety for every minute that stalls me from getting to her after 5pm. seriously guys, it's something i'm really trying to control. you have no idea how many times i've dreamed of having a go go gadget car after work. i plan to do a post on her first birthday in a bit so i'll save the sap for that (because there is a lot!) but for any new parent about to start their journey with a babe, or for any parent currently in the throws of the first year i leave you with this: document as much as you can. when you can. every parent young and old told us it goes by so fast and in just one short year, i fully agree. 

LAAV on mamahood, month 11:

• tooth count: six
• she said "dadda"!!!! (and can't stop)
• she stands on her own for a few seconds
• if there is a snuggle to steal i'll do it
• she finally took to formula after jay tricked her by putting strawberries in her sippy nozzle- i couldn't be more grateful it worked and more bummed i didn't think of it first. 
• she still hates grass
• i felt so confident about her going to daycare and me going to work until one afternoon i just started crying making her a peanut butter sandwich. jay had to take over lunch at that point. 
• i cried a few times after that peanut butter moment too
• she plays "sleeps" anywhere, anytime. just ask her to play sleep and she'll tuck her hands under her belly and lay down stiff as a board
• book winners of the month: hand, hand, fingers, thumb, the going to sleep book,christmas touch and feel book, and goodnight colorado
• she loves pulling all my makeup out of my makeup bag
• baths are her favourite thing (thanks to everyone for the tips on washing her hair without getting water on her face!)
• when she first wakes up in the morning, she'll hand me her teddy bear right away. i hug it and give it back to her.
• at nap time i ask if she wants to take a snooze and she'll nod her head yes
• it hit me while clothes shopping for her that at 1 year she is no longer a baby, she is a toddler (i may have cried here too)
• she likes to do walking laps around her crib before falling asleep
• she practices standing on anything she can simultaneously stopping my heart every time she does
• the only kisses she gives out are to herself in the mirror

and fin!

hope you had as much fun reading as i did sharing. 

for the full mamahood series click here!

on mamahood :: month 10

it's funny how every month i think "this is my favourite month!" with mila. i guess it's just fair to say that i really enjoy having this little lady in our lives. month ten has been incredible though! she engages more and seems to be learning at a faster pace. she has these little personality traits that are all her own and every day it seems like she is growing more and more into her own little self. it really has been the best to spend every day seeing her grow and change. i swear it happens so fast!

on a personal note, i know i have openly talked about my mixed emotions about going back to work. selfishly, i am very excited to get back to it, really. but mom guilt always seemed to creep right in there making me think the worse about daycare and the worse about leaving her. over the past few weeks, my thoughts on it have really changed. we had family come and visit a few weeks back and i was pretty much non-existent, but i really needed that. it was good to see how she interacted with others and how much fun she had with new faces. for the first time, i'm really excited about taking her to daycare and giving her the opportunity to become more of an individual, to learn from other people and make new friends. it's a pretty great little feeling i tell you.

LAAV on mamahood, month ten:

• tooth count: four
• she is a crawling master!
• she taught herself how to sit from a crawl in one morning and can't stop doing it.
• my stomach is finally seeming more "normal".
• weaning is the new thing i am fully freaked out about doing. especially when she strongly refused formula for over a week.
• she scrunches her nose every time she smiles.
• when she throws her head all the way back we say "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yes.yes." and she nods with us.
• she fake giggles in the nerdiest way and genuinely giggles in the cutest way.
• climbing the stairs is her greatest victory.
• she grabs books and holds them up for you to read. she'll still turn every page for you too.
• yogurt is her most favourite food along with anything fruity. except mangos, she doesn't like those. (which is weird because mangos sums up my first trimester. all day. every day. couldn't get enough!)
• she pulls things out of the carpet even though i swear we just vacuumed.
• she fits in 12-18 month clothes now.
• pulling cards from our wallets is her favourite morning activity and guarantees us at least 10 more minutes in bed. 
• she cuddles in to my shoulder at every sleep while i sing to her till there was you.
• she'll drink from her sippy just fine until she is done with it. then she puts the sippy to her mouth and spits water all down her shirt until she is soaked. she smiles the entire time she does it too.
• brown bear brown bear what do you see, ten apples up on top, m is for maple, highlights hello magazine and wake up night are the book winners for the month.
• she cuddles with her toys (fluffy or not) and my heart implodes.
• her "dessert" (which is partially frozen fruit) comes out to the tune of star wars or the rocky theme song depending on if mom or dad is bringing it to her.
• she hates grass.
• she'll throw all of her soothers and her teddy bear out of her crib and call for us to come get them. she rarely does this more than once per sleep so we don't mind indulging her.
• she refuses to sit in baths, only stands, making it a two man job again. please send reccos on how to best wash their hair without getting water all over their face.
• she understands more and points to things when you ask her to find them. our noses/eyes/chins, pictures of her cousins, or sheep and trucks seem to be the most fun to find.
• i love taking her to museums even though she can't fully grasp how great they are just yet.
• i say to her "one day, dad and i will take you to rome, or prague, or the amalfi coast, wouldn't that be fun!?" one day.

on mamahood :: month 8

this month i couldn't stop looking at photos from when we first brought mila home. she has grown so much in month eight. her face seems more mature and her interactions with others are more engaging then last month. it's also been a ton easier to get ready in the morning or have her hang out in her exersaucer while i make lunch because she can easily entertain herself now. for at least for 10 minutes i have two free hands before she wants to get picked up again. i may complain daily about how my arm hurts or my back hurts from carrying this little lady around all day, but secretly i love it a ridiculous amount. 

LAAV on mamahood at eight months

• tooth count: 0
• she has bedhead all day, every day. 
• the first laugh where she threw her head back was because of me. and i died right there. 
• when i try to kiss her she grabs my mouth and pulls her forehead to it. then pushes me back and gives me a big smile.
• getting her face and hands wiped is her most loathsome time of day.
• she can scoot from one side to the other and wiggle herself backwards but we are still working on the forward motion.
• she can't get enough of standing or walking with support. 
• tummy time is no longer a peaceful protest. it's a pretty obvious protest at this point.
• at her 8 month checkup we asked how mila is progressing and she said "socially she is really advanced". she is our daughter for sure. 
• she laughs when jay and i kiss in front of her. 
• she turns off light switches at bedtime all on her own.
• we are over goodnight moon. it's now the goodnight train for every bedtime read.
• one word to describe this month: throwy (i know,  that's not a real word, but you get it)
• dance parties to the beatles radio station can last forever and it's still one of my favourite times!
• she waves hello and goodbye with her entire arm and with everything she's got. 
• i dress her in denim every chance i get.

on mamahood :: month seven

over the past few months i have been slowly sinking back into the mind frame that i will be heading back to work in a few months. it's a thought that i remain fairly reserved about because i can't balance the excitement of returning and the total sadness of being away from mila. the decision to be a working mom or a stay at home mom can't be an easy decision for any woman in my books. i have always been a worker bee. i am the type of person who thrives from multiple tasks, having a full plate and contributing to a team daily. lucky for me i have a job i love going to but boy will i miss spending full days with this little girl of ours. this time has been a dream and i will forever be thankful to have the opportunity to spend a full year, undivided, with this little one. i know not every parent is so lucky to have this time, in fact i think there are a great amount who are not able to, so i remind myself often of just how lucky i am.

LAAV on mamahood at seven months

• we got accepted to daycare! hallelujah!
• i get a little finger jab or toy to the eye more often then i want to admit.
• "ah mo mo mo" "a gheeee" "ba ba ba woo"
• she continues to peacefully protest tummy time.
• she can't stand hearing yellow submarine or heartbreak hotel anymore. i don't blame her, i sang them a lot.
• we traveled with her for the first time and it made me want to do it again and again, really!
• she has been in a mommy phase for a chunk of this month and i sort of love it immensely. 
• i have stroller tans on my hands (basically my knuckles are really tan and my arms are still winter white)
• we enjoy any amount of sunshine available.
• i'm starting to worry about sun protection and mosquito bites. seriously, what gives mama worry? tips please!
• people mistake her for a boy from time to time. i still refuse to put her in super girly things.
• jay and her have a secret daddy/daughter language that i can never be apart of. it consists of a cough, a grunt or a "gheeeee"
• she has started to shake her head 'no'.
• she points at what she wants. that little finger is so cute! until it whips me in the eye.
• the thermostat and egg maracas are her new favourite things.
• tickle spots: sides, under the arm pits and above the back of her knee. 
• i have secretly (and not so secretly) cried about how much i love this little family of mine.  

on mamahood :: month six

it's funny to me how much can happen in one week yet how little can happen in one month. in short, i have succomb to knowing i can't make sense of everything in this parenting journey but at the very least i can conclude i am still loving every minute. i was really looking forward to month six because it opened an entire new chapter of fun; introducing solid foods. it also introduced an entire new obsession with researching waaaayyyy to much on how to do it. i can't stop, i just can't. we really like the idea of baby led weaning, but m wasn't so keen. at least not entirely, so we are doing a hybrid of baby led weaning and mushy foods which seems to work just fine!

LAAV on mamahood at six months:

• she rolled from back to front! twice! that's right.
• i could have babbling conversations with her forever.
• the first time she reached out for me to take her my heart imploded. 
• dad is a lot cleaner with high chair feedings then mom is. i kind of like seeing her touch and smear things even if it leads to longer clean ups.
• (she is sleeping better...shhh, don't tell anyone!)
• jay is teaching her how to wave hello and it's the cutest thing ever. 
• prunes. enough said.
• i am getting excited about heading back to work but still have that horrible 'crying face babe pressed up against the window at daycare' visual in my head.
• yellow submarine is the new heartbreak hotel getting a guaranteed smile every time.
• funny faces in the mirror is our daily obsession. 
• i can't wait for sun because this snowsuit business is getting really old.
• she loves watching me brush my teeth, but i can't sing and can't talk when doing it, i can only brush.
• subway travel with a stroller is impossible in toronto. we need more elevators or at least escalators that go both up and down.
• it doesn't hit me how big she really has gotten until jay and i are scrolling through photos from a few months ago.
• our house feels especially small now.

on mamahood :: month five

this post is coming a bit late as we are well in to our six month, but lucky for me, the list below gradually builds throughout the month i recap. so late to post, but not late enough to remember. phewf.

the time seems to be passing so quickly now. i remember in the first few months it just slugged on but i think it was because i was looking towards certain milestones as exciting markers to experience. i couldn't wait until she was able to roll over or sit up or have babbling conversations with me. I couldn't wait until she would smile and laugh at us, or we could begin to tell who this little lady was starting to become. now i find myself just living in the moment with her and celebrating the time we have together. she is growing so fast! i swear every morning i feel like she has woken up a little different then the day before. you'll see it finally hit me that i will be returning to work at the end of summer. it's such a bittersweet feeling and one i don't like to think about often, you'll see why below.

LAAV on mamahood at five months:

• she refuses to roll over.
• we are finally up to longer naps! full night sleeps are still a challenge but we'll take what we can get.
• daddy/daughter dance parties to the beatles radio station is my favourite weekend activity.
• singing elvis to her gets a guaranteed smile. every. single. time. specifically heartbreak hotel.
• our lives have become musicals. we sing about everything we are doing. mainly to the tune of heartbreak hotel for obvious reasons.
• bruce has dominated 'favourite thing' in our house. she smiles and chats with him and tries to grab his tail at every chance she gets.
• i am incredibly thankful to know other moms. especially ones that get you out of the house to the aquarium on polar vortex days.
• she can sit unsupported for a second or two, yay!
• effing nail clippers. i have nightmares about them but am committed to overcoming my fear at this point.
• i had my first tear about returning back to work which was followed by a looming vision of baby m's face pressed against the daycare glass screaming while my heart breaks walking away. that i'm sure will be a public cry fest day.

a date with myself

i have wanted to have a little solo date for a few weekends now but could never find the right time to do it. i'm not one to miss out on a gathering with friends or family and at the same time i stink at setting aside time for myself. my time is split in so many directions that i typically feel bad if i am not devoting it to mila or jay or our two attention deprived cats, so my time for me is never really a priority. recently jay asked me when the last time i had gotten out was, just me, and i think, i think, it was to the grocery store run last week. sad right? i have been feeling a bit boxed in lately too. not by the weather but by the routines i try to stick to with mila, or the goals i have set to get outside every day now that the weather is a bit warmer. the "now we eat...now we play...now we sleep..." on repeat all day every day is starting to drive me a bit nuts. and then i feel bad for feeling bad. that's what mom's do right? feel crazy, then feel bad, then feel like we are going to be better and repeat. please tell me i'm not alone in thinking this.

yesterday i made sure my solo date would happen. it wasn't the most convenient time i'll admit. we had jay's brother and girlfriend over for brunch to watch the canadian olympic hockey game and right after eating i jetted out, not watching the rest of the game and leaving everyone at home. i didn't feel too bad because they would be coming over later in the day so at least i knew i could properly hang out then.

i started by getting a mani/pedi and to my surprise i wasn't walking down the street thinking "i wonder {insert just about anything} about mila..." {which i felt bad about later, ugh this mom guilt!} but i tried to focus on being in the moment, freezing, and not checking my phone once while i was out. lucky for me, my battery died so the phone checking part wasn't that hard. i ended my date with a spontaneous trip to the the wedding cake shoppe on college street which has the most amazing cupcakes! and because i have decided to give up chocolate for a year {more on that later} i grabbed a dulce cupcake to go and ate it at home while jay was tending to mila.

thanks again handsome for letting me finish my solo date barefoot, cozy and somewhat in a quiet space. 

On mamahood :: month four

here we are, month four! this little lady is figuring out more and more each day and it's been pretty fun to watch her piece it all together. she is fully refusing sleep at all costs now. naps, bedtime...it doesn't matter. what happened to that awesome sleeper of ours?! no seriously what happened because the nine hour uninterrupted stretch was amazing. someone please tell me good sleep comes back. it does right? good.

 LAAV on mamahood pt. two at four months:

• she rolled over! 
• i've made myself sick and lightheaded doing stupid things to get her to laugh. even if it's just a giggle.
• jay makes her laugh way more then I can. 
• her hair is growing in except for that one bald spot on the back. that seems to be losing more hair. 
• just when i think i have this parenting thing figured out,  i'm reminded i so totally do not. 
• i love how everything is so new and exciting to her. 
• those dreaded baby nail clippers...terrifying.  
• not sure if she thinks we have two cats or just one super mysterious one. 
• my arms are sore from lifting her up to see the the bins at the top of the refrigerator but her smile when i do it is so worth it. 
• we can't wait to start traveling with her. can't wait!

on mamahood pt.one: three months

it's been awhile! but the little lady who has been occupying my time has been completely worth it. i am loving this mama-hood journey and happy to know it's a lifelong one at that. there are so many new and exciting (and exhausting) things that happen daily. i think we have been pretty fortunate to have a little one who adapts well to direction even at an early age. she knows once that sleep sheep goes on it's time to shut those eyes for a snooze. honestly it takes all of 3 minutes for her to know it's time to sleep. also, the ocean setting on sleep sheep is sort of where it's at, just say'n.

there have been so many changes and developments in such a short period of time that i have been thinking about starting a new blog series documenting the joys of the stage she is in. not to provide any kind of advice but just to capture the blissful parts of her babyhood so i can look back years from now and remember what it was like. not entirely sure what will happen from one day to the next so i'm sure this list will be forever changing, or have some things that stay the same, either way, i'm pretty excited about it!

so here we are, LAAV on mamahood pt. one at three months:

• her smile in the morning when she first sees one of us is my absolute favourite part of the morning.
• i forget to have a burp cloth around at least 90% of the time, thus getting puked on about 90% more.
• she is really good at spitting up on the couch so i blame these moments for why i typically don't have a burp cloth handy. though i know it's really just because i keep misplacing it.
• i thought nothing was more amazing than her smile until i heard her laugh. that is the most amazing thing. of. all. time.
• i have probably asked 30 moms about sleep training and have read a few different schools of thoughts on the subject. all of which to find a consistent routine is the key factor in all methods. go figure.
• showering has become insanely more glorious.
• our apartment seems a whole lot smaller.
• her and jay together. ugh. bliss.