4.07.2014

YYZ >> DEN >> LAX >> YYZ



last week i turned thirty. it's a big deal that age. i had planned on writing a somewhat prolific post on how i felt going into this new decade of life....but then jay surprised me with a trip to los angeles after our already existing trip to denver. so, um, i was too excited to sit and really take in what thirty actually meant to me. i mean, friends. sun. beach. cheap wine. sun. sun. sun. there was too much to look forward to to do any inner thinking.

we started our trip in denver to celebrate a new little niece of ours expected in may. (read: yay babies!) lindsay's friend and i hosted a 'sugar & spice' themed baby shower for my sister complete with sugar, more sugar a little spice and some sugar. a super big thanks to our families for helping out, we couldn't have done it without you guys! and to my mom for snapping some photos for me. oh, and to my big sister who greeted us at the airport like this:


two snippets from the shower:


the four generation photo above is my absolute favourite. i am super blessed to have the family i do but my grandma has always meant the world to me. she is one spectacular women. i hope i can achieve her sort of intelligence and kindness one day. in my books, she is one of a kind.


we got to L.A. on monday and after a little issue with our hotel, we ended up staying at our friend's place in venice. he was super kind enough to relocate and give us his entire apartment which is a few steps from the boardwalk. my best friend cleared her entire schedule to hang with us which meant the world. there is never enough time to properly spend with darby so any second is pretty must the best. 

friends of ours who moved to calgary a few years back postponed their return home to have a little surprise birthday dinner for me. it was amazing how comfortable it felt to be back with everyone, almost like we had never left. at the same time, and for the first time, i had this moment of peace realizing L.A. isn't home anymore. there has always been a piece of me that hung on to our memories of living there, thinking perhaps one day we would move back. but our lives are set up in toronto now. not to say we wouldn't consider and scenery change at some point, but after driving back in to the city after our week of travel, the toronto skyline and city lights made me feel so at home. it was exactly what i need after such an amazing time with so many people i love.

3.25.2014

on mamahood :: month six


it's funny to me how much can happen in one week yet how little can happen in one month. in short, i have succomb to knowing i can't make sense of everything in this parenting journey but at the very least i can conclude i am still loving every minute. i was really looking forward to month six because it opened an entire new chapter of fun; introducing solid foods. it also introduced an entire new obsession with researching waaaayyyy to much on how to do it. i can't stop, i just can't. we really like the idea of baby led weaning, but m wasn't so keen. at least not entirely, so we are doing a hybrid of baby led weaning and mushy foods which seems to work just fine!

LAAV on mamahood at six months:
  • she rolled from back to front! twice! that's right.
  • i could have babbling conversations with her forever.
  • the first time she reached out for me to take her my heart imploded. 
  • dad is a lot cleaner with high chair feedings then mom is. i kind of like seeing her touch and smear things even if it leads to longer clean ups.
  • (she is sleeping better...shhh, don't tell anyone!)
  • jay is teaching her how to wave hello and it's the cutest thing ever. 
  • prunes. enough said.
  • i am getting excited about heading back to work but still have that horrible 'crying face babe pressed up against the window at daycare' visual in my head.
  • yellow submarine is the new heartbreak hotel getting a guaranteed smile every time.
  • funny faces in the mirror is our daily obsession. 
  • i can't wait for sun because this snowsuit business is getting really old.
  • she loves watching me brush my teeth, but i can't sing and can't talk when doing it, i can only brush.
  • subway travel with a stroller is impossible in toronto. we need more elevators or at least escalators that go both up and down.
  • it doesn't hit me how big she really has gotten until jay and i are scrolling through photos from a few months ago.
  • our house feels especially small now.

3.20.2014

happy first day of spring!!


(image of toronto's high park cherry blossoms via here)

can i just get an amen for warm weather on the horizon before saying anything else? amen!

this winter. ugh. this winter has officially gotten under my skin. ever since first moving to toronto (and crying twice during my first winter here, seriously) i have refrained from complaining about the weather. it's just the nature of where we live and for some reason it always adds a bit more yuck to the already existing cabin fever feeling. instead i try to focus on the niceties like warm wooly sock, fluffy blankets, and as much pajama time as i can possibly get, but my optimism is dwindling. fast! this has been such a long, drawn out, freezing, and  in my opinion, to many polar vortexes to stomach kind of winter. i mean c'mon!

does anyone else feel like they have arrived at spring fully exasperated like we just scrapped our way through miles of frozen tundra to see one ounce of sunshine? i actually feel exhausted by the weather and had a full sigh of relief when i saw google's homepage welcoming spring today. we have been singing a lot of 'here comes the sun' around this house lately and just a few weeks ago i put m in spring clothes and turned up the heat a bit just because!


needless to say, warm weather we are ready for you! winter, you've been real (maybe a little too real) but please allow spring to move in quickly. we need endless days at the park, splash pads, and more importantly, sunshine on our faces!

3.05.2014

on mamahood :: month five


this post is coming a bit late as we are well in to our six month, but lucky for me, the list below gradually builds throughout the month i recap. so late to post, but not late enough to remember. phewf.

the time seems to be passing so quickly now. i remember in the first few months it just slugged on but i think it was because i was looking towards certain milestones as exciting markers to experience. i couldn't wait until she was able to roll over or sit up or have babbling conversations with me. I couldn't wait until she would smile and laugh at us, or we could begin to tell who this little lady was starting to become. now i find myself just living in the moment with her and celebrating the time we have together. she is growing so fast! i swear every morning i feel like she has woken up a little different then the day before. you'll see it finally hit me that i will be returning to work at the end of summer. it's such a bittersweet feeling and one i don't like to think about often, you'll see why below.

LAAV on mamahood at five months:
  • she refuses to roll over.
  • we are finally up to longer naps! full night sleeps are still a challenge but we'll take what we can get.
  • daddy/daughter dance parties to the beatles radio station is my favourite weekend activity.
  • singing elvis to her gets a guaranteed smile. every. single. time. specifically heartbreak hotel.
  • our lives have become musicals. we sing about everything we are doing. mainly to the tune of heartbreak hotel for obvious reasons.
  • bruce has dominated 'favourite thing' in our house. she smiles and chats with him and tries to grab his tail at every chance she gets.
  • i am incredibly thankful to know other moms. especially ones that get you out of the house to the aquarium on polar vortex days.
  • she can sit unsupported for a second or two, yay!
  • effing nail clippers. i have nightmares about them but am committed to overcoming my fear at this point.
  • i had my first tear about returning back to work which was followed by a looming vision of baby m's face pressed against the daycare glass screaming while my heart breaks walking away. that i'm sure will be a public cry fest day.

3.03.2014

au revoir cocoa


it happened. a big decision and goal i made that i hope teaches me a valuable lesson about self control and healthier choices. for one full year i have decided to go sans chocolate. it may seem silly, but if you know me well, (specifically while in my ninth month of pregnancy) you'll understand what a big deal this is. it's a choice that has little to do with weight lose and a lot to do with my attempt to make better choices.

chocolate is an easy go to in my mind. if it's there of course i am going to eat it. before anything else in our house, that chocolate would be the first thing gone. and then the first thing to be restocked. it became a way for me to get out of the house and a quick way to treat myself. then it became a thing i shamefully ate in my car alone when no one was watching. i'll let you laugh at that visual for a sec. needless to say, it became a mindless grab that had no benefit other than allowing a quick getaway, something i think every person needs in some form or another. i would just rather my getaway be in the form of exercise or time with friends, or browsing the latest j.crew and madewell collections with a glass of wine in hand. 

i'm not giving up sweets or sugar altogether, i do have some control there. chocolate however will be shelved for the next year. i started this venture on valentine's day of all days and have kept to it for the past few weeks. so far so good i would say!

wish me luck!

2.17.2014

a date with myself


i have wanted to have a little solo date for a few weekends now but could never find the right time to do it. i'm not one to miss out on a gathering with friends or family and at the same time i stink at setting aside time for myself. my time is split in so many directions that i typically feel bad if i am not devoting it to mila or jay or our two attention deprived cats, so my time for me is never really a priority. recently jay asked me when the last time i had gotten out was, just me, and i think, i think, it was to the grocery store run last week. sad right? i have been feeling a bit boxed in lately too. not by the weather but by the routines i try to stick to with mila, or the goals i have set to get outside every day now that the weather is a bit warmer. the "now we eat...now we play...now we sleep..." on repeat all day every day is starting to drive me a bit nuts. and then i feel bad for feeling bad. that's what mom's do right? feel crazy, then feel bad, then feel like we are going to be better and repeat. please tell me i'm not alone in thinking this.

yesterday i made sure my solo date would happen. it wasn't the most convenient time i'll admit. we had jay's brother and girlfriend over for brunch to watch the canadian olympic hockey game and right after eating i jetted out, not watching the rest of the game and leaving everyone at home. i didn't feel too bad because they would be coming over later in the day so at least i knew i could properly hang out then.

i started by getting a mani/pedi and to my surprise i wasn't walking down the street thinking "i wonder {insert just about anything} about mila..." {which i felt bad about later, ugh this mom guilt!} but i tried to focus on being in the moment, freezing, and not checking my phone once while i was out. lucky for me, my battery died so the phone checking part wasn't that hard. i ended my date with a spontaneous trip to the the wedding cake shoppe on college street which has the most amazing cupcakes! and because i have decided to give up chocolate for a year {more on that later} i grabbed a dulce cupcake to go and ate it at home while jay was tending to mila.

thanks again handsome for letting me finish my solo date barefoot, cozy and somewhat in a quiet space.