on mamahood :: month five

this post is coming a bit late as we are well in to our six month, but lucky for me, the list below gradually builds throughout the month i recap. so late to post, but not late enough to remember. phewf.

the time seems to be passing so quickly now. i remember in the first few months it just slugged on but i think it was because i was looking towards certain milestones as exciting markers to experience. i couldn't wait until she was able to roll over or sit up or have babbling conversations with me. I couldn't wait until she would smile and laugh at us, or we could begin to tell who this little lady was starting to become. now i find myself just living in the moment with her and celebrating the time we have together. she is growing so fast! i swear every morning i feel like she has woken up a little different then the day before. you'll see it finally hit me that i will be returning to work at the end of summer. it's such a bittersweet feeling and one i don't like to think about often, you'll see why below.

LAAV on mamahood at five months:

• she refuses to roll over.
• we are finally up to longer naps! full night sleeps are still a challenge but we'll take what we can get.
• daddy/daughter dance parties to the beatles radio station is my favourite weekend activity.
• singing elvis to her gets a guaranteed smile. every. single. time. specifically heartbreak hotel.
• our lives have become musicals. we sing about everything we are doing. mainly to the tune of heartbreak hotel for obvious reasons.
• bruce has dominated 'favourite thing' in our house. she smiles and chats with him and tries to grab his tail at every chance she gets.
• i am incredibly thankful to know other moms. especially ones that get you out of the house to the aquarium on polar vortex days.
• she can sit unsupported for a second or two, yay!
• effing nail clippers. i have nightmares about them but am committed to overcoming my fear at this point.
• i had my first tear about returning back to work which was followed by a looming vision of baby m's face pressed against the daycare glass screaming while my heart breaks walking away. that i'm sure will be a public cry fest day.

au revoir cocoa

it happened. a big decision and goal i made that i hope teaches me a valuable lesson about self control and healthier choices. for one full year i have decided to go sans chocolate. it may seem silly, but if you know me well, (specifically while in my ninth month of pregnancy) you'll understand what a big deal this is. it's a choice that has little to do with weight lose and a lot to do with my attempt to make better choices.

chocolate is an easy go to in my mind. if it's there of course i am going to eat it. before anything else in our house, that chocolate would be the first thing gone. and then the first thing to be restocked. it became a way for me to get out of the house and a quick way to treat myself. then it became a thing i shamefully ate in my car alone when no one was watching. i'll let you laugh at that visual for a sec. needless to say, it became a mindless grab that had no benefit other than allowing a quick getaway, something i think every person needs in some form or another. i would just rather my getaway be in the form of exercise or time with friends, or browsing the latest j.crew and madewell collections with a glass of wine in hand. 

i'm not giving up sweets or sugar altogether, i do have some control there. chocolate however will be shelved for the next year. i started this venture on valentine's day of all days and have kept to it for the past few weeks. so far so good i would say!

wish me luck!

a date with myself

i have wanted to have a little solo date for a few weekends now but could never find the right time to do it. i'm not one to miss out on a gathering with friends or family and at the same time i stink at setting aside time for myself. my time is split in so many directions that i typically feel bad if i am not devoting it to mila or jay or our two attention deprived cats, so my time for me is never really a priority. recently jay asked me when the last time i had gotten out was, just me, and i think, i think, it was to the grocery store run last week. sad right? i have been feeling a bit boxed in lately too. not by the weather but by the routines i try to stick to with mila, or the goals i have set to get outside every day now that the weather is a bit warmer. the "now we eat...now we play...now we sleep..." on repeat all day every day is starting to drive me a bit nuts. and then i feel bad for feeling bad. that's what mom's do right? feel crazy, then feel bad, then feel like we are going to be better and repeat. please tell me i'm not alone in thinking this.

yesterday i made sure my solo date would happen. it wasn't the most convenient time i'll admit. we had jay's brother and girlfriend over for brunch to watch the canadian olympic hockey game and right after eating i jetted out, not watching the rest of the game and leaving everyone at home. i didn't feel too bad because they would be coming over later in the day so at least i knew i could properly hang out then.

i started by getting a mani/pedi and to my surprise i wasn't walking down the street thinking "i wonder {insert just about anything} about mila..." {which i felt bad about later, ugh this mom guilt!} but i tried to focus on being in the moment, freezing, and not checking my phone once while i was out. lucky for me, my battery died so the phone checking part wasn't that hard. i ended my date with a spontaneous trip to the the wedding cake shoppe on college street which has the most amazing cupcakes! and because i have decided to give up chocolate for a year {more on that later} i grabbed a dulce cupcake to go and ate it at home while jay was tending to mila.

thanks again handsome for letting me finish my solo date barefoot, cozy and somewhat in a quiet space. 

in the kitchen

it is a 2014 goal of mine to cook more at home in hopes of learning quick, easy, go to meals that can be fun for kiddos later on. between jay and myself, jay has always been the master chef. he comes from a family of amazing cooks who turn out a five star family dinner like it was nothing. my version of an incredible dinner usually consisted of peeling a potato, that meant effort. after years of feeling inspired by jay's family, and then relinquishing any hope of getting to their level of expertise, and then feeling inspired again, and then copying their recipes one by one, burning some and succeeding at others, i decided it was time to figure out this home cooking for myself. intro, homemade pizza!

i decided to start with pizza because when jay and i first started dating we (more he) would make pizza on special date nights which always seemed like a treat. he made the dough and i would usually grate cheese and sous chef whatever else we were putting on it. i also worked in a pizza shop as a teenager and hoped some long lost experience there would help me out. so far, it's going pretty great! we have had pizza about once a week at this point because i am so proud of my new found ability. eventually we will need to curve this healthier options, but for now pizza once a week is pretty great in my books. especially because i can confidently make dough rise on the first try. this was no small feat in itself, let me tell you.

you can find the dough recipe i used here on epicurious. i like to add some basil and garlic to the dry mixture for a little something extra. if you like pizza (and who doesn't really?) then for sure give it a go! it's easy, it's fun and oddly therapeutic when you get to it. 

around these parts

we have had a lot of inside time lately. a lot. this polar vortex keeps stopping by for a visit making our temperatures -20c most days (or -4 for our fahrenheit friends). plus with wind chill warnings i'm not too interested in taking m out for a little afternoon stroll most days. even if she is toasty and warm and covered up in her stroller i would still need to lug our stroller down our narrow staircase, baby in arms, and struggle opening and attaching everything one handed. it's just not worth it when you know what kind of weather is going to greet you on the other side.

instead, we have suckered up extra pajama time, more books, new music and daily laughs which have become a regular occurrence for m. it makes this mama's heart melt every single time she laughs but especially when we laugh together. while cabin fever hasn't set in, i do still find myself dreaming of sunny days again. jay and i have talked about where we want to travel to next and i find myself spouting off a few warm weather places before anywhere else first. seems my subconscious is sneaking sunny thoughts. for now, we are hanging snug at home while my self inflicted "stroller bruises" are on reserve for warmer days.

photos from the phone

On mamahood :: month four

here we are, month four! this little lady is figuring out more and more each day and it's been pretty fun to watch her piece it all together. she is fully refusing sleep at all costs now. naps, bedtime...it doesn't matter. what happened to that awesome sleeper of ours?! no seriously what happened because the nine hour uninterrupted stretch was amazing. someone please tell me good sleep comes back. it does right? good.

 LAAV on mamahood pt. two at four months:

• she rolled over! 
• i've made myself sick and lightheaded doing stupid things to get her to laugh. even if it's just a giggle.
• jay makes her laugh way more then I can. 
• her hair is growing in except for that one bald spot on the back. that seems to be losing more hair. 
• just when i think i have this parenting thing figured out,  i'm reminded i so totally do not. 
• i love how everything is so new and exciting to her. 
• those dreaded baby nail clippers...terrifying.  
• not sure if she thinks we have two cats or just one super mysterious one. 
• my arms are sore from lifting her up to see the the bins at the top of the refrigerator but her smile when i do it is so worth it. 
• we can't wait to start traveling with her. can't wait!